I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
