I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
