I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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