Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Randomize
