I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
