just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
