btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
