spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
