I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
