Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
