I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am mentally ready for anal.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
