Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
