Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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