i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
