dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
