4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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