Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
