the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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