You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
