So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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