In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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