hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
