Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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