If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
