Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
