I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
we're so committed to being not committed
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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