Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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