so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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