She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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