eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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