Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
