Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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