I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
