quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
