9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
