when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
