Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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