I cannot find my penis.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
