Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
