Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
ttyl tear gas
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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