Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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