Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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