just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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