did you get engaged???
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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