I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
