I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
