I think I died a long time ago.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
