I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
