Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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