just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
